NBA Comix: Vegas line on Isiah’s next career move

It’s with a (somewhat) heavy heart that NBA Comix mourns the departure of one of its patron saints, Isiah Thomas from the hardwood.

Whether he was trading draft picks for Larry Brown or just for comic relief, replacing one of the greatest basketball minds with himself, matching wits with a puppy or attempting to singlehandedly bring one of the NBA’s storied franchises to its knees, you could count on Isiah to give 110%, and look sharp while doing it.

“Listless, tawdry and dreadful” says Sports Illustrated, to which we here at NBA Comix have to add a tearful “There will never be another.”

NBA Comix: Gimme the Damn Remote with Charles Barkley and color commentary from the beards of Baron Davis and Carlos Boozer

This was supposed to be just a link to the excellent new NBA heavy BallHype and a little bit of regretful (if predictable) lamenting about how my extreme busyness means no NBA Comix, especially in this, the Time of the NBA.

Saw Cat Wade’s Pulitzer Prize winning photo of Baron shaking hands with Kirilenkos’ face at Golden State of Mind, from whence I watched the video of Baron Davis posterizing Andrei Kirilenko. Somewhere on the Warriors “blog” I watched a video of the Trackrunners song Game Time that is in the Warriors pre-game and is really a treat. After I saw the F*ck Chuck shirt and Fear the Beard, well, it was far too late to stop.

The image below is rated B for Beards and is appropriate only for NBA fans, beard lovers and the criminally insane.

NBA Comix: Legends of Greek Basketball

A few notes.

1. I really did look for legends. I think Greece would be hard put to field a team in the Legends of the World One-on-One Tournament.
2. The kid above is not Greek. He merely represents the caliber of player our team was prepared to face.
3. Man, it’s a damn good thing we didn’t take Bruce Bowen – the results could have been humiliating.
4. Say whatever you want about how the NBA is the end-all, be-all of basketball, but I think it’s feeble as hell that the USA can’t put together a competitive team. Tip for the selection committee: “Me First” doesn’t fly on the world stage.

NBA Comix: Mike Knows Motivation

In case you can’t read the above: Sapporo: Team Usa Coach Mike Krzyzewski sought to “light a fire under these spoiled superstars” by screening a motivational video featuring Ron Artest while simultaneously dunking a helpless Anderson Varejo.

While Carmelo Anthony & Dwayne Wade seemed intent on perfecting their new hand signs, the presentation did have an effect on star LeBron James: “Coach K is serious. Serious as a heart attack. And he should be. This is the world stage. Our national pride and honor is at stake.”

Meanwhile, the whole incident was denounced by the Argentinian media as “Predictable American Imperialism”.

I’d like to give an Explosion sized shout-out to the Cavalier (hopefully this will keep him off my back for a few weeks) and also to direct you to the latest addition to my blogroll, NBA Basketball and Other Unrelatedness by the Hype which is darned funny.
PS: The video from Ron-Ron, NBA Clown Prince of Craziness wasn’t really for Team USA. You wouldn’t want to put Ron in front of players as any kind of example. You of course only put Ron in front of children where he shares wisdom like “someone started trouble and I ended it”. To be fair, he does follow that up with “I would always encourage you to protect yourself but in certain situations, if you can avoid them, avoid them”.

Farlane Comix: Have it your way … as long as “your way” means “with large breasts”

OK. I’m crossing a line here, something that I’ve been uncomfortable with ever since my first grade teacher Mrs. Allington whacked me across the back for coloring outside the line on Abe Lincoln’s stovepipe hat. Until today, I’ve confined my comix to the NBA. Then something came along that I could think of no other way to deal with than the application of entirely too much Photoshop: Burger King’s BK Table Guest. In the words of BK, the premise is simple:

When you HAVE IT YOUR WAY® there’s no need to sit solo. Pull up a chair and select one of our guests for some company that’ll chat while you chew. Don’t forget to check back often. There’s no telling who might drop by.

Gloria Steinem? The ACLU?? Barbie??? I tell you the questions this raises are many.

Foremost among them is “Has Burger King totally written off women as a target audience?”

That’s closely followed by “How did the idea of representing women with three Maxim “Hometown Hotties” get past whatever passes for a review process at BK Headquarters?” I can picture Marketing Guy 1 discussing this with Marketing Guys 2 & 3 over lunch at Hooters, amidst lots of “awesomest thing ever” and “big rack” references. Meanwhile Marketing Gal was presumably making coffee or reading romance novels … or working for some other company with a less neolithic view of women.

If you’d like to experience BK’s version of reality, go to bk.com, click the menu at the bottom and select “BK Table Guest”.

Check out Maxim.com Models Star In Burger King Promotion from MediaPost.

NBA Comix: Steve Nash Haircut Triggers Panic

NOTE: I’m just kidding about Adam Morrison’s world-class mustache. By all accounts, the mustache is safe and resting comfortably on his face.

I tell you, it’s been quite a depressing couple of month or so for NBA Comix. First my beloved Pistons unraveled like a cheap suit in the face of Pat Riley’s expensive suits. Then Antoine Walker shoved the NBA’s most hallowed relic into his armpit. Then Big Ben Wallace, face (well, fro) of the Pistons bolted for the City of Michael Jordan. Now NBA Comix best friend Steve “the Haircut” Nash has elected to shave his head and challenge Sam Cassell for the Alien Lookalike title.

YAYSports has additional coverage on this breaking news and I invite you to take a trip back with NBA Comix to the happier days of Steve Nash’s hair. I think that if there’s anything funny in this story, it’s that ESPN is covering it but doesn’t have a photo of the haircut.

WordPress is showing a lot of love to this post right now. Why? I have no idea! Thanks though!!

Click for entirely too many more NBA Comix or check out other posts that may have nothing at all to do with basketball (or anything else for that matter).

NBA Comix: Lebron’s Reasons

Need4Sheed is hosting the latest Carnival of the NBA, plus the Cavalier over at YAYSports really likes the pie charts. I’m just sad I couldn’t figure out a way to fit Antoine Walker in there somewhere…

Those who have been living under rocks or just plain don’t care about the NBA might not be aware that Lebron James took a very long time to sign his contract extension but finally did so.

It’s interesting to note that Lebron is the only NBA player whose personal web site comes up ahead of their NBA.com “official” bio page on a Google search. What’s up with that?

NBA Comix: I’m so sad that I can’t think up a funny headline

The headline says it all. Or most of it. Big Ben was the heart & soul of the Pistons, and now he’s gone. Stuff like that reminds you that even though you may get into the team aspect of the game, it comes down to the Benjamins in the end (insert stupid pun here).

There’s a tendency to blame the player who leaves, hate them for sleeping with the enemy, disrespect their contributions and skills because they’re no longer “yours”. None of that for me. Ben Wallace was a great Pistons and really helped to build the Pistons into a champion. I’ll miss him.

Good discussion as usual on Detroit Bad Boys and Need4Sheed.

A potential bright spot is what looks to be the signing of Nazr Mohammed. Nah-zee. Fun to say I guess, but it’s not the chime of Big Ben.

DETROIT — The Detroit Pistons reached an agreement with free-agent center Nazr Mohammed on Tuesday, a day after losing Ben Wallace to the Chicago Bulls, a person within the NBA told the Associated Press.

The person, who spoke on condition of anonymity because NBA free agents can’t officially sign contracts until July 12, said the team and Mohammed made an oral pact on a five-year contract — with the final year being an option — that will pay him about $5 million next season.

NBA Comix: Operation Knickpocalypse

Willis Reed looks like he’d like to stuff Isiah into that big bowl. I loved how the pick was SO bad that it stunned the MSG crowd to near silence. Merely bad Knicks picks are greeted by boos, but this one was an “11”, so even Spike was baffled.

Along with the rest of the known universe, the New York Post doesn’t like the pick (running very slow – in the article Isiah Thomas says that the Suns were eyeballing Renaldo Balkman at 21). Sell the Knicks forum has some talk about Balkman.

Yahoo’s Dan Wetzel has some funny stuff on this:

LOSER: Isiah Thomas
The NBA draft is Christmas in June for Detroit Lions president Matt Millen, the day that Isiah Thomas reaffirms to everyone that it is he, and not Millen, who is the worst executive in professional sports. Called a “bum” by one Knicks fan in the crowd, Train Wreck Thomas used the 20th pick on an undersized forward out of South Carolina who never averaged double-figure points or rebounds, exasperating even the mild-mannered Bilas and prompting him to rip Isiah to shreds.

In addition to his general manager duties, Thomas was named Knicks coach late last week and was immediately declared a lame duck by owner James Dolan, who has all the brains of a Manhattan manhole cover. Nothing ensures maximum effort like letting the players know that, if they lose, the coach that is screaming at them to pass the ball will be fired. Fortunately, with a roster that includes Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry and Stevie Franchise Killer, effort is never a question with the Knicks.

He popped off that 1-2-3 combo move on the worst management guys in sports quite smoothly I thought.

NBA Comix: Outside the Box with David Stern

Jeez o peets, NBA – What’s in the Black Box? It’s getting to be like shooting fish in a barrel. Thanks to NBA Basketball and Other Unrelatedness for tipping me off to this.

I invite you to post your own guesses below!