Farlane Comix: Have it your way … as long as “your way” means “with large breasts”

How BK Spells Diversity

OK. I’m crossing a line here, something that I’ve been uncomfortable with ever since my first grade teacher Mrs. Allington whacked me across the back for coloring outside the line on Abe Lincoln’s stovepipe hat. Until today, I’ve confined my comix to the NBA. Then something came along that I could think of no other way to deal with than the application of entirely too much Photoshop: Burger King’s BK Table Guest. In the words of BK, the premise is simple:

When you HAVE IT YOUR WAY® there’s no need to sit solo. Pull up a chair and select one of our guests for some company that’ll chat while you chew. Don’t forget to check back often. There’s no telling who might drop by.

Gloria Steinem? The ACLU?? Barbie??? I tell you the questions this raises are many.

Foremost among them is “Has Burger King totally written off women as a target audience?”

That’s closely followed by “How did the idea of representing women with three Maxim “Hometown Hotties” get past whatever passes for a review process at BK Headquarters?” I can picture Marketing Guy 1 discussing this with Marketing Guys 2 & 3 over lunch at Hooters, amidst lots of “awesomest thing ever” and “big rack” references. Meanwhile Marketing Gal was presumably making coffee or reading romance novels … or working for some other company with a less neolithic view of women.

If you’d like to experience BK’s version of reality, go to bk.com, click the menu at the bottom and select “BK Table Guest”.

Check out Maxim.com Models Star In Burger King Promotion from MediaPost.

David Stern: Tyrant or Dictator?

Tyrant or Dictator?

Detroit News sportswriter Chris McCoskey drops the hammer today on everyone’s favorite commish with an absolutely scathing column:

David Stern is either out of control or too much in control. It’s not good, either way.

He might be the most effective and successful commissioner in all of professional sports, but I am starting to suspect he’s gotten drunk on his own power. His need for utter and absolute control is bordering on the maniacal.

It’s one thing for the commissioner to have firm control on the business side of the game, but Stern has crossed over and is now lording over the competition side, as well. And that is a real problem.

Read the rest of Stern: Commish or tyrant? because Chris makes some really valid points about where the NBA could be headed.

Click for entirely too many more NBA Comix

NBA Comix: Steve Nash Haircut Triggers Panic

Steve Nash Haircut Triggers Panic

NOTE: I’m just kidding about Adam Morrison’s world-class mustache. By all accounts, the mustache is safe and resting comfortably on his face.

I tell you, it’s been quite a depressing couple of month or so for NBA Comix. First my beloved Pistons unraveled like a cheap suit in the face of Pat Riley’s expensive suits. Then Antoine Walker shoved the NBA’s most hallowed relic into his armpit. Then Big Ben Wallace, face (well, fro) of the Pistons bolted for the City of Michael Jordan. Now NBA Comix best friend Steve “the Haircut” Nash has elected to shave his head and challenge Sam Cassell for the Alien Lookalike title.

YAYSports has additional coverage on this breaking news and I invite you to take a trip back with NBA Comix to the happier days of Steve Nash’s hair. I think that if there’s anything funny in this story, it’s that ESPN is covering it but doesn’t have a photo of the haircut.

WordPress is showing a lot of love to this post right now. Why? I have no idea! Thanks though!!

Click for entirely too many more NBA Comix or check out other posts that may have nothing at all to do with basketball (or anything else for that matter).

NBA Comix: Lebron’s Reasons

Lebron's Reasons

Need4Sheed is hosting the latest Carnival of the NBA, plus the Cavalier over at YAYSports really likes the pie charts. I’m just sad I couldn’t figure out a way to fit Antoine Walker in there somewhere…

Those who have been living under rocks or just plain don’t care about the NBA might not be aware that Lebron James took a very long time to sign his contract extension but finally did so.

It’s interesting to note that Lebron is the only NBA player whose personal web site comes up ahead of their NBA.com “official” bio page on a Google search. What’s up with that?

NBA Comix: I’m so sad that I can’t think up a funny headline

Ben Wallace goes to the frikkin bulls and you're reading ALT tags??

The headline says it all. Or most of it. Big Ben was the heart & soul of the Pistons, and now he’s gone. Stuff like that reminds you that even though you may get into the team aspect of the game, it comes down to the Benjamins in the end (insert stupid pun here).

There’s a tendency to blame the player who leaves, hate them for sleeping with the enemy, disrespect their contributions and skills because they’re no longer “yours”. None of that for me. Ben Wallace was a great Pistons and really helped to build the Pistons into a champion. I’ll miss him.

Good discussion as usual on Detroit Bad Boys and Need4Sheed.

A potential bright spot is what looks to be the signing of Nazr Mohammed. Nah-zee. Fun to say I guess, but it’s not the chime of Big Ben.

DETROIT — The Detroit Pistons reached an agreement with free-agent center Nazr Mohammed on Tuesday, a day after losing Ben Wallace to the Chicago Bulls, a person within the NBA told the Associated Press.

The person, who spoke on condition of anonymity because NBA free agents can’t officially sign contracts until July 12, said the team and Mohammed made an oral pact on a five-year contract — with the final year being an option — that will pay him about $5 million next season.

NBA Comix: Operation Knickpocalypse

Operation Knickpocalypse

Willis Reed looks like he’d like to stuff Isiah into that big bowl. I loved how the pick was SO bad that it stunned the MSG crowd to near silence. Merely bad Knicks picks are greeted by boos, but this one was an “11”, so even Spike was baffled.

Along with the rest of the known universe, the New York Post doesn’t like the pick (running very slow – in the article Isiah Thomas says that the Suns were eyeballing Renaldo Balkman at 21). Sell the Knicks forum has some talk about Balkman.

Yahoo’s Dan Wetzel has some funny stuff on this:

LOSER: Isiah Thomas
The NBA draft is Christmas in June for Detroit Lions president Matt Millen, the day that Isiah Thomas reaffirms to everyone that it is he, and not Millen, who is the worst executive in professional sports. Called a “bum” by one Knicks fan in the crowd, Train Wreck Thomas used the 20th pick on an undersized forward out of South Carolina who never averaged double-figure points or rebounds, exasperating even the mild-mannered Bilas and prompting him to rip Isiah to shreds.

In addition to his general manager duties, Thomas was named Knicks coach late last week and was immediately declared a lame duck by owner James Dolan, who has all the brains of a Manhattan manhole cover. Nothing ensures maximum effort like letting the players know that, if they lose, the coach that is screaming at them to pass the ball will be fired. Fortunately, with a roster that includes Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry and Stevie Franchise Killer, effort is never a question with the Knicks.

He popped off that 1-2-3 combo move on the worst management guys in sports quite smoothly I thought.

Adam Morrison’s Mustache Goes Big Time

Adam Morrison’s Mustache has jumped the shark, but you saw it first on NBA Comix. 😉

Just to pretend that I didn’t just watch a gratuitous mustache cartoon (twice), I’ll pose the question: See the EA Sports web address? How long (in weeks) do you think it will be till YouTube allows you to embed alternative URLS (for a fee) in any video hosted by YouTube?

I guess 5 weeks.

Saw another where Morrison says People make a big deal out of me crying. I think more people should cry … and when I get into the NBA, more people will cry. I think he’s my new favorite non-Piston.

NBA Comix: Good Touch, Bad Touch with the Larry O’Brien Trophy

Good Touch, Bad Touch with the Larry O'Brien Trophy

I think we can all learn a lesson here from Danny Manning's friend and Antoine Walker about what's OK and what isn't. See how the young man uses just the fingertips and allows the trophy to feel like it can break off contact at any time? That's what I'm talking about. For those who are calling me an Antoine Walker hater, I have to point out that 98.3% of my incoming traffic from search engines is for "I can't stand 'Toine and wish to see him mocked without pity"*.

Sorry about the long delay between NBA comix … powering down to "summer mode".

* The other 1.7% is for various misspellings of Dewayne Wade. See?

YAYSports has a clip of Dwyane on Letterman that's pretty funny.

NBA Comix: Snapshots from the 2006 NBA Finals

Snapshots from the 2006 NBA Finals

Seriously, this photo of Employee #8 with the O'Brien trophy made me cry. It looks like he's trying to smother it with his armpit. I'm not sure I want any team I like to win it now. It's got Antoine Walker cooties. 

So, Cuban got fined $250,000. In an effort to help readers understand the magnitude of this fine, let me offer the following example:

Let's say you are worth $400,000. If you were fined an equivalent percentage of your net worth, it would be a fine of $1. Actually, Cuban is worth $1.3 billion, so the fine is more like 83 cents.

Speaking of Cuban, I cannot imagine why he would link to this Bill Simmons piece